Internet Personalities #1

The Internet is a whole different world, separate from the real one that we all live in. It has its own quirks and its own jokes. The memes that have spawned countless nights of laughter and eye gouging have only increased as the years go on. Video games are marketable now and more and more people are talking on forums. The people in these two endeavors, once bunched together as simple social outcasts, have formed their own interpersonal realities that they live and embody here on the Internets. Because I am awfully bored, I will attempt to categorize some of the most obvious and generalized personalities people are under the influence of in online video games and on forum discussion groups through a series of write ups each week. Hide the children and prepare to be offended.

  • The Tough Guy

The Tough Guy really isn’t an encompassed personality, but much more a passing phase to which many people on the Internet may suffer under at many times in their journey. Basically when an argument escalates to its breaking point and one party has pushed the other party over the edge, all hell breaks loose. Death threats, censor bypassing, nerd rage, asking for RL addresses, and promises of asses being kicked IRL will ensue. This state of personality usually lasts for as long as the person in question’s blood pressure can handle it—or his keyboard as he smashes his fists into it in anger. He’s not backing down from this fight, even if you submit. He’s out to get you and that’s pretty much final.

Pros: If he’s on your enemy team. Expect him to be screaming on his mic to the point where it turns his own teammates against him. In other instances it can also be mildly entertaining if captured and posted on YouTube later.

Cons: You become a giant douchebag. No one likes a giant douchebag.

Example: “Give me your address. I will seriously come and find you and kick your ass. C’mon you pussy, you scared of me? You better be, because I will murder you.”

  • The Fury

The Fury is often confused with the Leeroy. While both do share the similarity to jump into a situation where the odds are stacked against one lone player, the Fury, on the other hand, does it because he believes in himself. He believes he will make it across a round in L4D survivor-side by himself if he leaves his teammates behind. He believes the flamethrower is the best choice of weapon in MGS4. He carries torches around in Thief. The defining quality to the Fury is that he usually does possess an amount of skill that makes him seem nigh-unstoppable, but, much like the Viking berserkers that lit themselves on fire, it proved to be a bad idea in the end of it all.

Pros: If you need a good distraction on your team, it’s good to ask this guy to be the volunteer, because he’d likely do it even without the team’s consent. So while he is shooting rockets at people or running to the edge of the map by himself, you are sneaking by.

Cons: The Fury is dubbed as much for a good reason; when he does die, he usually goes down in a fiery fit of rage over the mic, screaming about how “unfair” it was in the way he died. This will usually follow a rage quit in most cases.

Example: “OMFG I can’t believe I died, this game sucks, why did I die, all I was doing was running past a hundred enemies. WTF artillery killed me, that’s gay.”

  • Mr. Casual

Mr. Casual is a civil creature of questions. He’s not exactly the Nooblet, because he knows how to talk and play the game at the same time, but he doesn’t know a lot of things that would be commonly known to someone who has played the game frequently. Mr. Casual is, most likely, a 30-something level-headed guy who can catch a round of a game every other night, since he’s too busy with IRL stuff. However, Mr. Casual expects his questions to be answered in an equally civil manner, including in some of the tensest moments in a game.

Pros: If treated well, Mr. Casual will follow your directions and listen to your advice and carry out the plan. He’s mostly level-headed so you know if you kindly tell him his mistakes he is likely to learn from them and be even more appreciative of it. Heck, he could even be your next best Internet friend.

Cons: Mr. Casual doesn’t like being told how much of a “fucking noob” he is over the mic. He’s probably owned the game for two or three years, but has played an equivalent of five or six hours of game time in that time span. He feels as a veteran “owner” of the game he should be treated with respect and will most likely not put up with overtly negative attitudes to the point where he may quit the game and not come back until a few months later. This means he could drop at a moment’s notice in some of the most intense parts of a game.

Example: “Dude, I have owned this game for three years now, I know how to play. You keep saying that about me and I’ll just leave.”

  • The Nooblet

The Nooblet is, of course, the noob. I mean, not a newbie—a level-headed new player trying to learn the ropes. No, the Nooblet is someone who has been playing the game for a couple of weeks now, and instead of his skills increasing, they have only plummeted further into the depths of noobishness. The Nooblet has seen how real tactics work or how a specific character is played, but chooses to ignore such strategies, playing as he sees fit. The Nooblet usually has a terrible attitude and rage quits frequently.

Pros: None.

Cons: You don’t want him on your team, on the account that he’ll likely get the lot of you killed. He’s also not interested in following directions or going through with plans or strategies. He just like big explosions and seeks to waste all resources to achieve some of the dumbest things you can do in the game. He most likely turns into a Tough Guy frequently throughout the game and most definitely before he rage quits.

Example: “omfg how u do that, you hax this is gay u are gay. im not playin with cheeters.”

  • The Leeroy

The Leeroy takes his name after the meme of Leeroy Jenkins. He’s just a nitwit who has no interest in playing by the rules or working with his team. Instead, grief is the name of his game, and it’s where he gets his kicks. Shooting teammates in the face, wasting the grenades, or crying wolf, the Leeroy may as well be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, possibly even working for your enemy team. He’ll scream out obscenities, rap on his mic, or spam annoying wav clips in a game of CS:S. While the Fury keeps to his own, the Leeroy seeks to grief others in any way possible.

Pros: Entertaining at first, but then you want to stab him in the face a little while later.

Cons: Picture a saboteur throwing a monkey wrench into your plans. Now picture this saboteur telling you about it and then doing it with a smile on his face. Oh, and he’s on your team.

Example: [Plays a random movie wav and then shoots his teammate in the head]

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That’s all for this week folks. Have you encountered any of these personalities on the Interwebs? Tell us your story about them if you have!

Next week: the General, the Raptor, the Rock, the Telemarketer, and the Klepto

Originally written: March 2009

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About Agamemnon
Started blogging back in 2007 amidst that whole Hellgate: London fiasco on a blog known as flagshipped.com. Eventually moved on to do my own thing in December 2008 at gameriot.com and started Caveat Emptor there. Wrote there for six months, gained some notoriety, and then left. Now I'm back.

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